I too am surprised that your Doctor has suggested a shunt without first trying you on any medication, which is the usual approach. Has he said why he thinks a shunt would be appropriate straight off the bat? We have two booklets Talking to your Doctor about IIH and Talking to your Neurosurgeon, which have useful questions in that you could put to your Doctor and explore other possibile treatment before he dives into a shunt.
Shunts are a longterm treatment and this is why they are usually only done when there is a threat to vision and the medications are no longer effective. Has your Doctor had any experience with patients who have IIH? Have you even been put on any of the medication for IIH? If not ask your Doctor why he isn't trying medication first. Stress can affect your headaches, and you are under quite alot at the moment. With caring for your Mother, you have alot to consider I know. Your Doctor needs to be exploring other options before surgery first or at least give you the options.
Please keep us updated, and we are here for you to help and support you.